remembering mom

today would have been her 75th birthday. but she opted to die sooner, and cancer became her vehicle to the other side of this earthly life.

she was the eldest among 5 kids. quite intelligent though unable to go further than second year of high school education. her parents separated and there were just no means to continue her schooling. she had to work.

she learned how to use the abacus. i think her last job was as a part-time bookkeeper of sorts in a big bakery. she would help my dad in his paperwork, and she proved that her abacus was just as efficient as his manual calculator.

she was a very good modiste. i remember her delivering or picking up dresses for sewing when i was still small. i guess this was to augment the family income.

she chose the textile and matched colors for my father's shirts and trousers. there was a time when crochet was a fad. most people were doing it in primary colors if not white. she did our curtains in turkey and flower designs - all in yellow orange threads. i must have picked up from her my color orientation.

she was active at one point in the community's women's club; participated in group contests - choir, folk dance, and sports. she even became chairman for our block. they would have meetings at home and she would have this ilocano folk song written on a board for their fellowship song.

she was ordinary yet there would be times when she just wanted to be different.

she was dark skinned yet she would choose to wear pale and big yellow flowers, and even light pink.

she would try cooking dishes which at the time were not popular in the countryside. she bought spaghetti noodles and canned meat sauce from manila when they were not available yet in my hometown. these were intended for special occasions.

she would ask relatives and friends about other recipes, cooking tips and unfamiliar spices. she has tried doing leche flan, relyeno, halaya, and also used pickled relish and curry powder. take note, these were not much circulated in the early 70s.

she was also observant of the culinary customs of others. when entertaining friends from bulacan, she would always serve patis or fish sauce because she knew how essential it seemed to them during meals.

she loved to travel. our family would have this annual thing during summer breaks - 1 week on the road somewhere visiting folks and other relatives and friends. many years after her passing away, my father mentioned how these travels were all her ideas and proddings.

i remember her telling me bedtime stories - legends, stories during the war, or tales her old folks had told her when she was younger. she would tell how they lived then - not all details but some appropriate for my young age.

i remember her as a happy woman, mother and sister. until my brother died at age 18. his sudden death broke her world apart, and she was distraught with grief. she passed away in less than 2 years. she told my dad she was going to the other side to be with my brother.

i don't know if that was unreasonable selfishness. did she ever think of me and my father? how we were going to be if she was not around? that there was more reason to live than to die for? i guess one has no sense of reason when lingering in much pain and deep sadness.

there is no point arguing with the dead now. but i just cannot help but wonder at times. if she were still alive today, how her presence would have made a big difference in our lives - mine and my father's. maybe a lot happier? i know i just miss her.