mourning for the dead

yesterday was the 'babang-luksa' for my dad. it is the filipino term for the official ending of mourning for the dead.

traditionally, mourning is observed for a year but superstitious beliefs strongly suggest that this be ended in less than 365 days. some do it after 9 or ten months.

mourning is usually symbolized by a black clip or pin worn with one's attire. i did this when my older brother died - same when my mom followed after almost 2 years. i was young and i felt i had to follow orders and traditions.

but not when my father died this year. yes, i wore black on the day of his burial. i actually pondered on wearing a light pink shirt because my father had always loved and preferred bright colors. also, the fact that i did not really want to mourn his death. i already did, right after that night he passed away.

so when i got a text message from my stepmother informing me of the event this weekend, i did not bother to think of it as an occasion. for me, there is no mourning to end. i wept and grieved then. and sometimes i would still be sad when i remember him.

people we love will always stay with us. for as long as we keep remembering them they will always live in our minds and hearts.

of invites and weddings

i have attended 2 vietnamese weddings for the last 2 weeks. actually only the receptions not the actual ceremonies. they were buddhist weddings and here they do that in the respective homes of the couple's families.

the first thought that came to mind was what kind of gift should i be giving. so i asked a friend who has been here a bit longer than i am. she mentioned of giving at least vnd 100,000 cash which is a traditional present. the viets give cash usually. one can give more depending on the degree of relationship with the marrying couple. to one, i gave cash and to the other, i gave a pair of handpainted dinner plates.

on the day of the wedding celebration, guests were ushered in as they await the newlyweds. the receptions i have attended were held in hotel restaurants and so there were salads, appetizers, soups and of course the main dish. in one, we were served some kind of grilled bird. there was musical entertainment on the side - live singers or in the case of the one, canned music.

the couple sliced the cake and did the toast. they went around to have a toast with everyone, accompanied by their parents. as soon as the guests have finished their meal, they started leaving. the couple stood by the door for the departing guests. all of these happened from 1-1 1/2 hours.

i wondered how it will be when i get married. well, i got to find someone first. Someone who will ultimately say 'yes' and stand by me for all the years to come - no matter what.

birthday presents

vietnamese people are very observant of holidays and special events. and bouquets come with them naturally. no wonder there is a proliferation of flower shops and vendors whether by the sidewalk or on bikes parked by the main roads.
it was my nth birthday a few days back. of course i got a bunch of flowers before the end of the day. i also got a long-sleeved shirt with a special greeting card.
a colleague gave me a tie set with matching cufflinks and hanky.


since everyone knows that i cook and just love it, i got these spices from cambodia. 2 colleagues just came from there and also got me a krama (checkered scarf).

celebrating birthday in a foreign land always reminds me of home, and of how much i miss it. there is no substitute for that. but i just felt blessed that there are always friends and other people who help me get through moments whether special or merely ordinary. i did not blow any candles but hey, i still made a wish...