mourning for the dead

yesterday was the 'babang-luksa' for my dad. it is the filipino term for the official ending of mourning for the dead.

traditionally, mourning is observed for a year but superstitious beliefs strongly suggest that this be ended in less than 365 days. some do it after 9 or ten months.

mourning is usually symbolized by a black clip or pin worn with one's attire. i did this when my older brother died - same when my mom followed after almost 2 years. i was young and i felt i had to follow orders and traditions.

but not when my father died this year. yes, i wore black on the day of his burial. i actually pondered on wearing a light pink shirt because my father had always loved and preferred bright colors. also, the fact that i did not really want to mourn his death. i already did, right after that night he passed away.

so when i got a text message from my stepmother informing me of the event this weekend, i did not bother to think of it as an occasion. for me, there is no mourning to end. i wept and grieved then. and sometimes i would still be sad when i remember him.

people we love will always stay with us. for as long as we keep remembering them they will always live in our minds and hearts.

of invites and weddings

i have attended 2 vietnamese weddings for the last 2 weeks. actually only the receptions not the actual ceremonies. they were buddhist weddings and here they do that in the respective homes of the couple's families.

the first thought that came to mind was what kind of gift should i be giving. so i asked a friend who has been here a bit longer than i am. she mentioned of giving at least vnd 100,000 cash which is a traditional present. the viets give cash usually. one can give more depending on the degree of relationship with the marrying couple. to one, i gave cash and to the other, i gave a pair of handpainted dinner plates.

on the day of the wedding celebration, guests were ushered in as they await the newlyweds. the receptions i have attended were held in hotel restaurants and so there were salads, appetizers, soups and of course the main dish. in one, we were served some kind of grilled bird. there was musical entertainment on the side - live singers or in the case of the one, canned music.

the couple sliced the cake and did the toast. they went around to have a toast with everyone, accompanied by their parents. as soon as the guests have finished their meal, they started leaving. the couple stood by the door for the departing guests. all of these happened from 1-1 1/2 hours.

i wondered how it will be when i get married. well, i got to find someone first. Someone who will ultimately say 'yes' and stand by me for all the years to come - no matter what.

birthday presents

vietnamese people are very observant of holidays and special events. and bouquets come with them naturally. no wonder there is a proliferation of flower shops and vendors whether by the sidewalk or on bikes parked by the main roads.
it was my nth birthday a few days back. of course i got a bunch of flowers before the end of the day. i also got a long-sleeved shirt with a special greeting card.
a colleague gave me a tie set with matching cufflinks and hanky.


since everyone knows that i cook and just love it, i got these spices from cambodia. 2 colleagues just came from there and also got me a krama (checkered scarf).

celebrating birthday in a foreign land always reminds me of home, and of how much i miss it. there is no substitute for that. but i just felt blessed that there are always friends and other people who help me get through moments whether special or merely ordinary. i did not blow any candles but hey, i still made a wish...

truc bach lake

we sat by the sidewalk. there were mats and tables where we had our drinks and food. it was nighttime and busy. the place was really a night spot and a local favorite. people, bikes and cars passed us by. we were celebrating the birthday of one of my students.

my other student with a motorbike picked me up and so we went. it was a longer ride compared to my work route. we went further north of hanoi - truc bach lake which is beside west lake (the largest lake in hanoi).

we were the last to arrive. there were dry-roasted peanuts on the small table. we sat assuming lotus position. i felt my belly getting tight.

we had hotpot with vegetables, clams, duck fetus, pineapple, taro, shrimp, meat strips, tofu wraps, aside from the fresh spring rolls. there was whisky that went with the food as well.

i still could not believe that i am now in vietnam.

i got a helmet!

before coming to vietnam, i was already advised to get a motorbike because it is the most convenient aside from being a cheaper means of transport. since i arrived though, i have been used to the luxury of the local cabs. the use of the xe om was already mentioned to me but i guessed i was a bit scared of being a backrider in a bike. the xe oms do not speak english. the xe oms do not drive very fast but i was thinking of how they make their way through the traffic - going through the red light, cutting through other drivers, use of the sidewalk, etc.

i had my first taste of it though, when the son of my landlord took me shopping on my first night in my flat. he picked me up and he was on his motorbike, and with a spare helmet. i had no choice but to ride. and it was not really as scary as i thought it would be.

still i used the cab to go to work. especially when i got to know of a reliable and reasonable taxi service.

however, one day one of my students offered to pick me up for my early morning class. of course, if decide to ride with him, i had to buy a helmet. so i did.

i got it for vnd 165,000. for a piece, helmets can cost from vnd 20,000 and up. mine was nothing fancy. just had comfortable fit.

at KOTO

i thought koto was a japanese restaurant because the name sounded like japanese. it was not. it meant 'know one, teach one'. thus the name KOTO - a not-for-profit restaurant and vocational training program that is changing the lives of street and disadvantaged youth in Vietnam.

the ground floor. pillows adorned the wall seats.

the stairs leading to the second floor. on the walls were bricks with written names of perhaps donors and patrons of the restaurant.

the setting was more homey and comfortable. the lighting was subdued as well. more pillows...

there was another stair leading to the rooftop.

my meal for the night - river fish curry with winter squash tips and rice.

they have all been in vietnam for at least a year. we talked of happenings at work, relationships, cultural events, food from home, trips - the list went on. they were open, funny and warm people. later we went out to have desserts. dropped by one place which had generic names on their menu like various cakes and a glass of yogurt. it was not appealing at all so we ended up in an italian resto where we had ice cream and panna cota.

i was just on my third week and vietnam seemed to be already warming up to me...

hanoi traffic jam

it was a tuesday night. and it was only past 6. i got to meet some new faces for dinner and it seemed that i was running late. i couldn't get any taxi near my place so i walked to the nearby lake and park, and kept walking until i got one. however, my cab barely moved within the next 10 minutes or so. ahead of us was a major intersection which was undergoing construction. it was rush hour and so all the xe oms were out on the road.

xe om literally means bike hug. maybe because the passenger sort of hugs the driver while riding.

my crib

again one of those long and winding stairways which seem to be part of hanoi if not vietnam architecture.

i call it the penthouse. located on the topmost floor of my building. half of the rooftop is a covered terrace. i call it the garden too because of the various plants grown by the owner in different sizes of pots. it is also the drying area for the rest of the tenants - total of 4. there is a permanent clothesline with hangers as well.

the other half is my flat. and entrance is by the kitchen area. i got a one-burner stove and a personal ref under the counter.

the view from the kitchen window. mature cactus plants stand as partial shield from the afternoon sun.

a female nude drawing hangs by my bedroom/living room door. below it are my food supplies, condiments and other cooking stuff.

the comfort and laundry room. it's got a window for the morning sun. a clothesline hangs above it. there is a water heater and an automatic washing machine. opposite the window is a sink and a mirror.

the study/living area which is also my bedroom. got aircon, cable tv, telephone and internet connections. i do not have a proper dining table so i use the same when i have my meals.

i open the bedroom window once in a while - when it is not so warm and the sun is nice.

my single bed. got a small portable shelf beside it. usually where i put the remote devices for the aircon, tv, and my cellular phone.

on the other side of the bed is the dresser. there is a mirror attached to it.

overall, it is a small place. but no matter what, for now and so far, this is home.

highway 4

it was one of those quaint restos. red tile floor. repainted old walls with assorted asian paintings. wooden tables. upholstered iron chairs.

the main door. i liked the idea of the small swing doors.

the bar which displays the restaurant's own rice wine / liquor brand. only 1 i remembered from the menu: young sticky rice wine. there was like a large fish bowl on the counter, and it contained rice wine with the rice still in it.

we agreed to order sauteed locusts, freshwater clams and ostrich steaks.

there were many other exotic dishes like crocodile and dog meat in the menu. but i was not the daring gourmand that night. the food was just second in my agenda. the first was to get to know the person who invited us. and i did to some extent. i was so happy i did not refuse her invite.

In Vietnam, the road Highway #4 itself is not just a single continuous path but a network of strategically important routes that wind along much of the length of the Sino-Vietnamese border.

hoan kiem lake - north side

a sort of a square at the north side. there is a fountain. it's like the gateway to the night markets usually held on weekends.

mother and kids on a tribike. maybe going home or just for a ride...

shopping stalls, cafes and restaurants abound in this area.

traffic flow depends on the time and occasion. i found myself thinking if i can or would dare to drive a motorbike or car around here...

early evening by hoan kiem lake

i have seen it in pictures on the internet. and i thought it was a river then. it was not. the hoan kiem lake is just one of the man-made lakes in hanoi.

2 men in a conversation

father and child

a man and a woman

lovers or friends?

no one really knows.